Saturday, May 31, 2008

Outings, Reunions and Shots

This week has been fun filled and traumatic all together. First we had our trip out to a local mom's group. It was a great couple of hours of chat and fun as we played with our babies. We sang songs and did tummy time as well as tummy massage. It is true that tummy time many days is tummy horror, but we managed a few minutes before the melt down began. My little one loves watching people. I think we are going towards being an observer and a thinker than an outgoing party man.

We then had our Birthing Class reunion. It was strange to meet all these bumps in person and listen to all our birthing stories of how these little ones arrived. Each one was different and many of us had not had the births we planned. I wanted a natural un-medicated birth. And I am proud to say that I did 22 hours of un-medicated labor but hit a wall at 8 cms dilation. Even after 5 hours of an epidural and potocin totally 27 hours of labor nothing had changed and I ended up with a c-section. I was upset by this out come in some ways, especially because I had gone through an external inversion at 36 weeks but since I managed to produce a 9 lb 3 oz baby boy so it is no wonder that my 5'2 frame decided that he was not coming out. But the great thing is that through it all we all got healthy babies and none of us could ask for more.

Then we ended the week with our 2 month check up. My little one is still tall for his age and he doesn't get that from his mum or his dad, and tracking average for weight. He is taking after his daddy for his body build. Indeed at times I am really beginning to question what I provided to his genetic make up. Also however at this appointment came 3 shots and one oral vaccine. I have never felt such a horrible mother as I let someone stick a needle in my sweet baby's legs. He looked at me to say what have I done to deserve this pain. How can you explain that this is for the best, as tears stream down his little face. Even a loving embrace does little to calm the upset for the first few minutes. For the rest of the day my little one was out of sorts and cross with the world. However as he seems to live in the moment, the smiles return to his face that night and some kind of normal life has been restored. I hope and pray that this memory quickly fades and only the happy times remain in his mind. He has two whole months to forget this event before we unleash this trauma again.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

An Overwhelming Feeling of ..........

I have overwhelming feelings of joy, fear, responsibility, happiness, excitement, hope and of course love. So many times I stare at this little person and think "Help, I am someone's mother" I have truly grown up!! No longer can I claim to have not reached adulthood. I am married, I have emigrated and I now have a child. And yet in many ways I feel the same as when I was a teenager.

My little one is already over 8 weeks old and I can hardly believe it! Time has truly flown by. Part of me can't believe 8 weeks have past but yet at the same time I can't really remember life before his arrival. Life has truly changed, no longer can I come first, I now come last. And I really wouldn't swap it. It is taking getting some getting use to this having a baby. No longer can I grab my bag and run out of the door to go see some friends or quickly get some groceries. Now it is a major planning expedition!! I have so many things to consider I think I am losing my mind, do I have diapers? When was his last feed? Does he need a nap? Can I get back before he has a melt down? How did people survive before the internet? Online grocery shopping is going to be my new best friend! In fact online shopping for anything and everything is my new best friend. Also emails and cell phones allow you contact with the outside world without ever going outside. How people did this before technology I will never know. I am truly grateful for all of this as I would truly be overwhelmed with having to do everything and also very isolated from friends and family.

But I must state that I am overwhelmingly happy!! OK OK I hear you enough with the overwhelming!! I am sorry I am tired and I have run out of thoughts!!

Friday, May 23, 2008


Many times I have watched my little one stare into space. A look of concentration and contentment that stays for just few minutes. I wonder in those moments what it is he is thinking. Does he remember the time in the womb? Does he remember the time before the womb, the time with his creator? If he does, does he still feel the presence of God? For these first few months he has no baggage, nothing that has hindered him. He is still an empty slate waiting for it to be written on. It amazes me that this child, this precious gift from God is mine, mine for me to bring up to mold. I can’t wait to watch him change and become this young man. For now I am left wondering what his thoughts are, but a glimpse is coming through as he smiles and takes his first laugh. I am sure that all too soon he will be telling me what he thinks, so for now I will relish the smiles and the giggles.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Super Mum

When I was a kid at school for Mother's Day we would learn a song called Super Mum. In this song was a line which was "Super Mum your wonderful but very underpaid". It went on to say about the cooking and the cleaning etc, that all mums do. It is now that I am beginning to question me and being this Super mum. If I need to cook and clean I am already in doubt that I meet these requirements. Granted every evening I attempt to throw together some kind of meal but cooking maybe stretching it. Preheat the oven and throw in a pizza is more likely (in fact I think we will be looking like pizza soon). As for cleaning well that hasn't really happened at all. Also with all the things you are or are not meant to do with you baby I feel I am already so far behind.

In fact I question whether I have not even began to drift, if not already there into bad parent. I have confessions. I do try to have my baby sleep on his back, but if that doesn't work any position goes including tummy and side, also some will argue that him sleeping in the bed with me is a bad thing but it is a simple equation. If he doesn't sleep neither do I and a really grumpy sleep deprived mum going on 2 hours of sleep is of no use to anyone. I don't change his diaper in the middle of every night as it normally wakes him up even more and again I really need sleep. We have a schedule and it is his. When he is hungry he is fed, when he sleeps I sleep, and when he cries I am there. A bath happens when it is needed not every night, and I don't have a bedtime routine. I will read some of the time to him but not everyday. We watch T.V together, but hey he is only 7 weeks old. Tummy time well that happens when I remember. It is a good job this boy is breastfed as sterilizing bottles is not really my thing either. And as for changing clothes and bedding for spit up, do I look like all I want to do is laundry. So there it is everyone my confessions of a bad mummy.

But then I look into the eyes of my little one as he gives me a big toothless smile and think............ he has clothes on his back, a roof over his head and food in his belly. He is showered with cuddles and kisses all day long and to him I am his world. He is happy, loved and cherished and healthy. No one will question my devotion to him because no one else wants to wake up at 1am, 5am to feed him. This job is underpaid but it is the best job there is and I won't swap it for anything. So as I try and strive to be the perfect mum I must remind myself that I am his mum and I am sure he thinks I am super! So I guess I am a Super Mum to him and he is the only person that counts!!

Thursday, May 15, 2008

To Bath or not to Bath?

My delightful child who many times is all sweetness and nice turns into a hysterical beast when it is bath time. One little pinky toe in that bath water and all hell breaks lose in the room. The people downstairs must truly believe we are harming our child, when all we are really doing is placing him in his little infant bath. I choose this bath because it was a great blue color and came with toys but my son is having none of it and the world must know. I think he must believe that water is going to cause him to melt or shrink into a smaller baby.

So bath time has become a dreaded chore that we wish to avoid. But with the diaper explosions and the spit up causing cheese to form in the creases of his neck, so it is something that cannot be avoided. And so I was left with a true puzzle of how to bath an unwilling child. Granted when using the infant bath we really helped him develop his lungs as he screamed and his legs as he propelled himself off the end of the bath to the other and beyond, but I don't think it is enjoyable for anyone concerned. I have been told a little secret, that I was just the same at that age so he takes after his mother. Also to my joy he takes after his mother for the solution. To have a bath with a parent. I run a cool bath and I sit in it and have my son passed to me. The pinky toe hit the water and we braced ourselves but all there was was silence. As he sat on my knee and bobbed in the water held all around by loving arms there was peace. No screaming, no upset. We washed out the cheese from the neck without so much as a small cry. The bath passed almost enjoyably, soon I am sure he will be splashing around with his toys all giggles and smiles. So the nice blue infant bath will sit under his crib and gather dust, maybe we will use it in the future. My infant bath was used as a great place to put your hamster when cleaning the cage (without water of course). Who knows the next child we have may not take after their mother and love it, if not it will await for the small rodent to run and play in it.

Mum's Rule

Being a British person living in America I have come to realize that Britain and America are countries divided by a common language. You arrive truly believing that you can speak the language but quickly learn that words have different meanings and spellings. This has become ever more apparent when I became pregnant. Names for baby items became a game. A crib over here is a cot in England. I am use to nappies not diapers, dummies not pacifiers, vests not oneies. Now having a 6 week old baby I am finally getting use to the terms but there is one term I shall truly not adopt and that is Mom. I never will be my son's Mom, I will always be his Mum. Growing up I always wanted to be someone's mummy and although many ideas and plans have been lost by crossing an ocean that is not one that shall be lost. I am and always will be a MUM!!