Reflections

We are entering birthday madness in our family with me, hubby's mum, daughter, hubby and friends within a month of one another. This is the time I reflect on the year and also life as a hole. 

As I look back over my life I think back to a mid teen girl who made a promise to herself of no regrets. I promised myself that I never wanted to regret not doing something because of fear or lack of self confidence. 15 plus years later I am no where near what I thought I be: married for over ten years, two amazing kids, living in America and having taught high school and so much more. There are aspects I don't want to live again but I would not trade them for anything. And so far no regrets. I have not not done something because of fear and I am the better for it. Many times I have felt scared but with a pray before hand I have gone forward. I have made some amazing friends and had some fantastic times. I hope that I can help my children to do the same. As my little girl approaches 1 it amazes me how already her personality is shining through in her cheeky self. She is stilly toothless wonder but we are close. She has got just over a week to get a tooth for her first birthday. She is in a way like me where in new places or with new people we watch and learn but once we know you and feel comfortable the fun, cheeky person comes out. I hope she isn't has shy as I was and has a little more self confidence than me. My boy I can already tell is not as shy as me which is great. Watching him with his sister is amazing. The love and adoration between them makes me smile and is a blessing I am so grateful for. Watching him hug his sister and say "I love you so much" warms a mother's heart in a way I never knew. I pray that it continues as it grows up. Our family has changed so much in the last year and I am so thankful and blessed I am interested to see where God takes us next. 

The impossible.

After I married my husband I remember seeing a new baby with it mum. It had blond hair and blue eyes. I thought I will never have a baby like that. Which I have to state I was totally fine with. My husband is black and I am white. He is from Africa and I am from Europe. Our kids are American with parts for other places. However when my girl was born I had to smile as on the side of head is a patch of fair skin with blond hair. I have no idea if she will keep her blond hair but God gave me a baby with blond hair. So I need to remember that all things are possible through him. And he loves me and wants the best for me and my family.

My kid's world

The recent events in Boston with the bombs have brought back the memories of my home town when it was bombed. It was done the day before (british) Mother's Day. Two young boys lost their lives. The city near me was also ripped apart by a bomb. I was lucky I was not in town when it happened but as a young person it still brought home the cruelty of this world.

As a parent you want to protect your kids from the evil in this world but often you cannot. But I hope as a parent I can show my kids the good in this world. The people who run to help, the people who turn evil into good. I also want to show them God's love and purpose for them. And when things go wrong a soft place to fall.

Turning Five

My little boy really isn't so little anymore. He turn give and yesterday he had is party. He charged around with his friends, jumping in his moonbounce. My little girl is doing a spare leg crawl. 5 years has gone so fast. Emotions have ripped through my body in ways I never knew I could feel. With all the sleepless nights, overwhelming fears and responsibility beyond anything I have ever known I would not swap it for anything.

Old potatoes

I found some dried up soggy potatoes in my cupboard yesterday. I was going to throw them away but then I remembered as a kid printing with fruit or leaves. So we used the potatoes in an art project. All if a sudden useless potatoes became fun.

Mother's Day

Today is British Mother's Day. Being in America I send my mummy flowers for this Mother's day and in May she gets a card for the USA Mother's Day. I don't really celebrate the British one because I feel that is too much to ask for my husband to remember two dates especially since the British one changes dates. Maybe when my kids are older I can get them to do something.

For now Mother's Day is a time to reflect. To hope that I remain to have the great relationship with my children that I have with my mum. As I watch my children grow I marvel as they mature adapt and turn into some amazing people.

My son asks daddy if he can buy me flowers. Currently my daughter is acutely aware of my absence. Which although at times drives me mad I also try to remember that this is an amazing bond and this stage will not last forever. One day they will be independent and go by themselves. Slowly they need you for less and less as they dress themselves, eat for themselves and in the end live by themselves. I pray though that my kids will always remember I will be there to support them.

Sleep

My little girl has turned a point and now wakes less at night. This in turn has allowed me more energy and a little extra brain power. With that I have been able to do activities with my son.

I as a parent am very hard on myself. I always believe I should do better. More activities with my son, a cleaner house, better home cooked meals, less tv and a fitter mother. I constantly compare and contrast. I am sure all of us do. But I need to realize that to be a mother means to enjoy my kids. My son and daughter font gain anything as I beat myself up over the fact this mother only allows 1 hour if tv a day, another mother grinds her own flour and somewhere out there there is that mother with the perfect house. They need me to focus on us. To make sure they are happy. To make sure that when I can we do stuff play dates and coloring time, story time and play dough time. But also it is ok if they watch tv as I regain my sanity. I need to be selfless for my kids but I also need to look after myself.

As my little girl naps and my son plays games on his tablet (he is an angry birds king) I will drink my coffee and take a moment to find a grain of sanity.